Somewhere Only We Know
by PomRocks16
Summary: "I can't remember how or when these feelings began. All I know is that they're here, and for some reason, they won't go away..." Kyle develops strange feelings towards Cartman, and is hiding a secret, and he knows that if that secret gets out, that it will ultimately change his life, and he only wishes for things to go back to the way they once were, when they were just kids...
1. Chapter 1

I can't remember how or when these feelings began. All I know is that they're here, and for some reason, they won't go away. Everywhere I go, I think about him. Even if I'm doing something completely oblivious from him, my thoughts somehow always end up on that one person.

And that one person, is named, Eric Cartman. More commonly known as just simply Cartman.

I still don't know how this obsession even began. It might have started when we were just kids, but I'm not sure.

He just always seemed to cross my mind at some points, but I didn't think it was an issue until just recently.

I've been staring at him in class. A LOT. And, he never really caught me, until just this morning.

And for whatever reason, I couldn't look away. Even as I saw him turn around, and give the most weirded out and quite frankly curious expression ever planted across his face, I just couldn't look away. I knew I was caught, and I knew I had to stop before it became a little more than suspicious, I just couldn't.

And now, here I am, in the lunch room, waiting for Cartman to show up and question me on the whole thing. And I'd have to make up a lie, just like always, just to lead them away from the one conclusion and fact that I've been hiding from them since we entered the sixth grade.

I'm gay.

And I still haven't come out.

I haven't even told my parents yet, not even Stan, my best friend in the whole world. The only one who knows is Ike, who's matured over the years, and is now capable of being told a secret and understanding not to tell.

I like that, how I have at least one person to talk to about these things.

But even he doesn't know that I…hate – like Cartman.

Yes, hate – love, that's the only thing I can call it. I know it sounds pretty strange, but, think about it this way. Think about that one annoying person in your life, that one little pest that makes your life hell. The one that you always manage to run into, or get into fights with, even if you don't want to.

Now, take that person, and think, do you really just, 'run into them'? Is it really just a 'coincidence' that you meet up with that person? Or do your feet somehow take you to them? It even sounds crazy to me, but trust me, it makes sense, in some way or another.

He makes me angry, he makes me mad, he makes me furious to the point of no return, but…I DO return… and that's the problem.

There's no way to explain it. It's actually hard to.

All I know, is that I, Kyle Broflovski, have a crush on Cartman, who's now standing right in front of me, an annoying and questioning expression labeling his face…


	2. Chapter 2

"Kahl, what were you doing staring at me during class?" Cartman asks suspiciously, eyeing me on every angle.

"Uh, I uh, y-you had something on your face!" I spit out nervously. I mentally slap myself. _Yeah, that's called keeping your cool, Kyle._

Cartman cocks his eye brow at me, still doubting my answer, "Really, than you were quite interested in whatever masked my face back there, weren't you, Kahl?" he smirks at himself.

I feel my cheeks become hot as I turn around and see both Stan, and Kenny staring at me the same way Cartman was when he started speaking. Could they be suspicious too?

Kenny shrugs it off and removes his hood to eat the cafeteria lunch we had each been given. He now feels secure enough to take it off more often than the past for some reason, I think it's due to Stan giving him self esteem classes, or whatever it was called at his house every Saturday.

Ever since we had found Kenny cutting himself in the boy's bathroom, they've been inseparable.

Apparently Kenny had been all depressed about no one remembering him dying…I don't know, maybe he IS just going insane. But, I don't dare tell Stan or Kenny that. Clyde had suggested that idea once, but landed in the hospital soon after Stan punched him in the Jaw.

Now, all Clyde does is hang around with Craig's gang more often. That's all. He also takes his time while walking through the halls, not wanting to bump into Stan.

A lot has changed since fourth grade. Not much crazy stuff happens at South Park any more. So we can finally just focus on our social lives, and I can't distinguish whether that's a good thing, or a bad thing.

Everyone has their own things, their own friends, and their own lives.

Stan broke up with Wendy about a year ago, right after she just got with Token. Stan didn't really care, for some reason. As long as it's not bugging him, it's okay with me. Craig and Tweek hang out a lot, and Bebe and Clyde are in a relationship now. Even though everyone knows that they've been off and on since fourth grade. I'm not sure about everyone else though. We all got into separate classes when we first started High School, and we just kind of all drifted apart.

It's kind of sad, knowing that all it took for us to socialize even the slightest, was a crazy town, and a class room.

Cartman sits next to me, much to my dismay. I STILL can't stop staring at him.

He looks so cute with his fluffy blue hat with the puffy yellow ball on top, and his cute hazel eyes that are staring right at me and –…oh shit!

"Kahl is there still something on my face, or are you gay for me or something?" Cartman asks facing me, smirking before laughing with the others. I sigh as I continue eating, hoping someone else would break the silence that followed.

"So, Jew, you didn't quite answer my question," Cartman said promptly as he bit into his sandwich, "Are you gay, or not?"

I freeze. Kenny and Stan have stopped laughing, noticing how worried I am.

"I…I…" luckily, before he can ask anything else, the bell rings, and saves my life once again. It's been doing that for a while now, and I don't even question it as I get up and bolt out of the cafeteria…


	3. Chapter 3

I still can't believe that Cartman even asked me that. It was so embarrassing, did he _actually _expect me to answer that?! Who would even ask that?

I mean, sure I sort of have the 'girliest' figure in the group, according to Kenny, but do they really _expect _me to be gay. I've already accepted it, but I'm still not ready to admit it, especially not to Cartman…

After the bell rang, it was time for everybody to leave, and hopefully, with any luck, I won't run into him agai – ah!

My papers go flying into the air, I can see them falling to the ground slowly, and I suddenly get lifted up, off the ground. My vision is blurry, but I can see something red…

After a while, I'm able to open my eyes, and see that I'm clutching onto something that appears to be a sweater. Is it Clyde, or perhaps even Pip? Or…

I look up to my rescuer, and to my surprise, it's non-other than Cartman, with a slightly agitated look of distain on his face. Of course, the one person I didn't want to see, I have to bump into...

I expect him to either laugh at me for being a 'clumsy Jew' or start burying me in questions like before, but…he doesn't. He doesn't do any of those things.

"Watch where you're going Jew." He grunts as he releases me, and plants me carefully on the ground. He picks up my papers and books as he shoves them in my arms before plainly walking away.

Well….that was…confusing…I guess. He had never been that calm before, and he truly looked agitated. Maybe he was in distress, or perhaps something was bothering him? I need to find out.

-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-()-

I walk the same path as Cartman does going home. I spot him and catch up to him.

"Uh, hey Cartman!" I say as I try to regain my breath from running. I wasn't really that athletic. I could imagine he was either.

He said nothing as he continued to walk, not even turning. His hands were shoved in his pockets. He slightly bobs his head though. I realize that he's listening to music.

I walk behind him and tap him on the shoulder. His eyes widen, thinking that he's under attack, he swiftly turns around and tackles me, clasping me to the ground making me wince under his immense weight.

Just when I think he's going to kill me, he gasps and shuffles off of me. He reaches down, offering me a helping hand, as strange as it might be. I think it's a trick, that as soon as I reach for it, he'll pull it away and let me fall down again as he laughs, but, I reach for it, and he helps me up.

"Gotta be careful Jew boy." He sighs as he stuffs his mp3 in his pockets.

"Oh, um…thanks…sorry." I blush, unsure of what to do next as he starts walking away.

"Well, you coming or not, Kahl?" he asks, frustration building on his face again.

"Uh, yeah." I nod as I get up and follow him. He's acting so strange. He wasn't like this at lunch time. Was he really joking about the whole gay thing that he asked me earlier…?

**A/N: *gags* SO….OUT…OF CHARACTER! *cough, cough* *dies* X_X**


	4. Chapter 4

I followed closely by Eric's side. I began tense up as silence rained. I began to sweat. He didn't notice my nervousness and continued walking.

"So…uh…Cartman…what's up?" I asked the age old question. How original.

He responded with a shrug. He looked like he wanted to say something. But, he wasn't sure if he could. _Him _considering someone's feeling?! _My _feelings?!

Now that's even more strange…

"Alright, something's wrong, and it's bugging you, seriously, what's up?"I finally ask.

Cartman stops, not even looking back at me as he sighs, "Nothing, now, let's just keep walking." He looks to the ground sadly.

"…is it about that question you asked me earlier?..." I add in hesitantly.

His cheeks turn crimson red before he speaks, "I-I…maybe…"

I smile. He really wants to know, doesn't he?"

"Well…truth is…" Cartman's eyes widen, hoping for a response, and urging for the suspense to stop.

Just as I'm about to say that I am in fact a homosexual, I realize that Ike is just seconds from impact. He knocks me to the ground with a large tackle, yelling, "Kyle!" cheerfully.

"Hey little bro!" I laugh. I get up, with Ike hugging my neck tightly. Cartman seems unmoved by the affection.

"Uh, sorry Cartman, gotta run, uh, talk to you tomorrow!" I yell over my shoulder as I run home with Ike still in my arms.

I then realize what I was going to do. Was I ACTUALLY going to tell CARTMAN a secret?! I'm glad Ike came in when he did.

I see Cartman's agitated expression, and it crushes me a bit. But I ignore it as I continue to run. The flaps of my hat fly up and bounce as I run. Ike laughs adorably as he grins, delighting in playing with his older brother.

I stop once we reach our house. I go inside, panting as I drop Ike on the couch.

"That was fun, right Ike?" I ask him. He nods and giggles as he gets up and goes to the kitchen, probably to get some food or something. Instead, he returns with a bottle of water, handing it to me, I gladly except it as I gulp it down.

He smiles and walks off to find the TV remote.

I have a great brother, even if he is adopted, I don't mind. It's better than being an only child. My thoughts then sway to Cartman. He's an only child…

In fact, he's the only one in our group that doesn't even have a dad. His mom's a hooker too. This admittedly sucks for him.

Kenny has his older brother Kevin, and his little sister Karen. Stan has his older sister Shelly. And I have Ike. Kenny has his dad. Stan has his. And I have mine. But Cartman…he doesn't have any of those…

I immediately regret leaving him behind for Ike back there now. He must be lonely. And not just walking home, everywhere he goes. Especially at home.

He has no one to talk to. He only has his friends, which are me, Stan, and Kenny. And we rip on him all the time.

I feel a large wave of guilt wash over me as I think the situation over. He NEEDS someone to talk to. He could still be walking nearby! After all I_ had_ ran here.

I quickly look out my window, I spot him a couple of feet away from my house, so I rush outside to catch up to him.

Ike looks confused, so I respond half-way outdoors, "I'll explain later, I gotta go talk to Cartman." He nods approvingly as he continues to flip through the channels, trying to find the Terrance and Phillip show.

I rush towards him, I remember what happened the last time I snuck up on him, so instead, I call out his name in a blunt, not fully thinking it over, "Cartman!" I reach out towards him, grabbing nothing but air.

His eyes widen as he turns around, not expecting my presence.

"Jew?" he gasps out, cocking an eye brow. I blush as I let my hand fall limp to my side.

"I-I thought that well, you know, you wanted some…company, w-while you walk…" my blush turns an even darker shade of red as he turns his the head to the side slightly, failing to hide his smile.

"W-Whatever, Kahl."

That's strange…he didn't reject my presence…

"So, uh…do you…ever get lonely…?" I asked him. He froze. Guess he hadn't been expecting such a question.

"What do you mean, Jew boy?" he scoffed. His hazel eyes glaring at me, a grin tugging at his lips.

"Well, I mean, you don't have any brothers or sisters, and, your mom's barley around, don't you EVER get lonely?" I regretted asking him as his smile fell. His eyes gleamed with slight hurt, as if something had clicked in his head.

"Pfft, I don't care. Besides, it's not my fault my mom's a slut…that only freaking cares about her drugs." He mumbled the last part under his breath.

I heard it regardless. I looked down as we continued walking. He _really _needed someone to talk to…


	5. Chapter 5

I continued to walk along his side taking a few chances to glance at him. We exchange a few awkward glares as we walk. His expression never leaving its serious mode. Nowadays, he rarely wore his signature blue hat, which, to me, seemed like a good thing. His brown hair looked better, but, it still looked cute when it was ruffed. And, at this moment, all I want to do is run my hand through his silky hair, messing it up again.

I stuff my hands even deeper in my pockets to resist any urges to do so.

"So…" I begin.

He stays silent.

"You're…not lonely?" I hesitate before asking.

He shoots my a hateful glare that burns through my very being as he turns around to face me, "No Kahl! Would you just shut your stupid Jew mouth and stop bringing the question up!?"

I shrink a little as he stands over me. He's about two feet taller than me and I hate it. He always uses that to his advantage point.

I put my hands up in the air in defense as I try to reason with him, "Alright, alright, fine, sorry for asking."

It takes me a while to realize that he's still glaring. Not in the hateful way, but in a lost way, as if he was in some sort of trance.

"Uh…C-Cartman…" my face feels hot and it gets harder for me to breath. My heart won't stop pounding, and neither will my head as he leans in closer, his mouth just inches away from mine.

I have no way to comprehend what's happening, but before our lips can reach contact and contrast, his eyes widen. He blushes as he looks away, embarrassed.

"Uh…what was _that _for?..." I ask, hiding my disappointment with questioning eyes that search his being for answers, like a tiger searches for its prey.

He looks at me, eyes still wide with shock from his own actions. He bites his bottom lip, unable to produce an answer as he looks away, eyes darting to the floor below him in record time speed as his blush deepens into a crimson red. As does mine.

"I uh…" for a slit second his eyes dart to me, then back to the floor as he stutters a response, almost like Tweek would, except without his random spasms in between almost each word, "I-It was n-nothing…just…nothing." He turns, ready to start speed walking, then running, then dashing home, just to leave me behind with a bitter ememory with no answer as to why in occurred in the first place.

But he sighs, and turns around, already knowing the consiquences and drama he would have to face if he pushed it aside. He shoves his hands in his pockets, as he looks to the side and faces my direction.

"Your eyes…" he slightly mutters.

"M-My what?..." My eyes? W-What's wrong with them? I glare at him, his eyes still every which way except the one place I want them to be, on me.

"You're eyes, Kyle." He says it more clearly…and…did he just get my name right?...

"W-What about them?..." I respond with another question, much to his distaste.

"They just look…different…" my face flashes with hurt and he notices, he instantly speaks again, "I mean, not in a bad way different…in a good way. Different from everybody else's…unique." I try to hide my smile the way Craig does, but I know I'm quickly failing.

He smiles slightly too, but manages to cover it up better than I ever could, "It's just that….I've…never really seen anything like them…th-they're like two colors at once…yellow and green combined just looks amazing…"

My eyes – the ones that he finds himself talking about – gleam with sudden amusement. Does he really think those things about me…?

I suddenly become filled with rage. No he doesn't! T-this is probably just another one of his stupid little schemes to –

I'm cut short from my thought as he leans in again, lightly taking my face in his gloved hand, pulling my face in a bit closer. He looks directly into my eyes, observing every inch of them.

He surveys the faded yellow rims that surround the clear green surface of my pupils. He looks at the pure look of shock on my face, giving him the impression that I don't feel comfortable being this close to him, and truth be told, I'm not.

Sure, I know I have a crush on him, but I also know what a monster he is. He's a racist, insensitive psychopath that will one day end up in the mother lode of all problems one of these days.

So, no, I don't feel safe lending my heart to him. Not the slightest bit. Because I know, that no matter what, he'll find a way to break it. Just like he's always done…

He pulls away from my face, smiling, but not blushing. And this time, it's a genuine smile, not just a smirk, or a sneer, or anything related to that, it's an actual, caring smile. One that I haven't seen in the longest of times.

He continues to walk, motioning for me to follow him. I gladly do so. I still wonder what that whole eyes concept was about, but, it doesn't matter right now.

After that we move on to less serious topics, like the new Terrence and Phillip movie that's coming out soon, and about the latest news about celebrities, and new songs. We laugh, and chat, and for the first time in like what seems like forever, we don't argue. He doesn't call me 'Jew Boy', and I don't call him a fatass.

We just chat.

We continue to talk with one another, and for one brief amazing moment, I'm truly happy alongside Cartman, and feel safe, and protected with him.

Then, it all ceases when we reach his home. We look at each other, our expressions identical, disappointment.

"Well, see you later Eric." I smile, before noticing the shocked look on his face. I then realized what I had did. I had just called him Eric…I've never done that before! I usually just call his Cartman, or Fatass…

What the hell is going on with me today?!

Before I could speak, he responds, smiling, "See you later, Kyle."

My grin is restored as I wave goodbye to him, and walk off back to my house…

**A/N: I'm so sorry I couldn't update this sooner, but, when that huge storm Sandy came, I had no electricity for a whole week! I just got it back this Monday! So, I hope this didn't suck too much. I'll try to update more often now, and with longer chapters too. Just to make up for lost time. So, I hope you liked this chapter! ^^**


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